Let Me Reintroduce Myself
a refresher course
Hi friends.
Firstly, I’m stoked to have you here with me.
I started this Substack as a way to teach myself how to write, not that I think that’s a skill that can be taught as much as it is a practice to be repeated until you feel comfortable enough doing it. An exercise in telling truths and lies. A muscle to be worked out and molded into whatever it’s meant to be.
When I sit down to write, the words on the page come from a place I don’t have conscious access to. The space between awake and asleep feels a lot like the space between my brain and my finger tips hitting the keys. I am here, present, but something else is captaining the ship now. Something bigger than me. Which is basically my way of saying I can’t be held accountable for the words I write here. I don’t know how they’ll land for you. All I can say is my intentions are pure.
I write for myself and like, one friend. I feel as happy sending these essays to all of you as I did sending them only to her.
As odd as it is to say, while I am here writing stories about me, I find it very difficult to talk about myself. But since I forget the rest of you haven’t known me since I was five years old, maybe I should catch you up a little.
My real name is…wait for it…Candy Downs. While I could’ve easily capitalized on that for a career in stripping, I thought writing on Substack would thrill you more than uncoordinated me sliding down a pole. I can’t walk in heels and since I basically have a third grade education, my two options were go into porn or the arts. I chose the arts.
Joint Custody
The name “Joint Custody” refers to my exes sharing custody of me. During the pandemic I sold my house and moved in with them. One took me during the week and the other hosted me on the weekends. JC and Larry. You’ll hear a lot about them. Larry fathered my child, JC step-fathered him. There are perfectly logical reasons to why I shacked up with my ex(es) but I don’t really feel like explaining it all right now. Just know it’s kid related and they’re still two of my very best friends.
Speaking of best friends…
The biggest loves of my life are my girlfriends. I’m the only single one of the group, but I know they’d all trade their husbands in for me in a second, and that’s good enough.
My family
I come from an eclectic family of artists. I fancy myself the least creative of the bunch. My mother has lived her life prioritizing creativity, something I didn’t understand until now. My sister has one of the most brilliant tech minds I’ve ever encountered but she can’t remember where she left her phone. My son is a magical unicorn of a human that can succeed at anything he sets his mind to. My step-dad wrote for the television show MacGyver. All this to say, if I compared myself to the people in my family (or anyone for that matter) I would be creatively paralyzed. Lucky for me (and you) I derive basically zero self-esteem from other people’s opinions. While I welcome feedback and new ideas, there’s nothing anyone could say that would make me change my approach to art or life.
Love
I have a lot of love in my life. Not the romantic kind, no, but I have had. I’ve felt how it’s meant to feel. I have a baseline knowledge of that spark, the butterflies, also the way someone should treat you after all that fades. Though I long for how it feels to have someone truly know me, I am happy single.
I’m not looking for love, I am looking to be loved.
Relationships are what interest me the most—not being in one, oh god no—analyzing them. Recognizing our patterns, my patterns; the good, the bad, and the toxic.
I write about this because I also need to learn about this.
I am forever grateful for every one of you taking the time to get to know me and letting me get to know you too.
Keep commenting and reaching out, I love being here with you.
Oh, if you wanna hear my lil voice subscribe to my new podcast with the always lovely and hilarious Abbey Wade.
you know, it's not fun when a post makes you realize that you have been slacking in terms of catching up with the author's posts. now i'll have to dig into candy's archives to get to know her a little better and study the pleasant success of her ancient life
Though I have read you on occasion, it's nice to learn a little more about you.