101 Comments
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Jay Myser's avatar

Thank you for letting us see a bit of your heart. It breaks mine to see it hurt. To keep on walking, but to hurt.

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Candy Downs's avatar

Thank you Jay. You’re so sweet to me ❤️ I am a lucky girl here.

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Jay Myser's avatar

I think you’re wonderful, and I’ll have words with anyone who thinks otherwise. I hope you find one that sees that and knows that deeply.

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Candy Downs's avatar

Thank you. 🙏🏻 sometimes even two good people can’t make it work. I know the universe has something wonderful in store 💖

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France Pinzon • literary speck's avatar

I think what I admire most about you is your evident zest for life, your fearlessness to sieze each day by loving fully and tirelessly, no matter what. Many people will go on to live safe, uneventful lives and they’re usually the most bitter inside by the end of it—this will never be you.

I wish for you everything your heart desires, my friend. This was a beautiful piece, worthy of several rereads. Love you, Candy!

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Candy Downs's avatar

I just love you so much, France.

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Abbey Wade's avatar

Goddamnit I love you so much. And I am so proud of you for this. So fucking proud.

Candy girl, you are deserving of all the first morning thoughts. You should be the first thought, always.

And don’t be shy about this. This is breathtakingly beautiful, my love

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Candy Downs's avatar

Abbey my love! You’ve lead the way here. Your vulnerability and strength is an example we all look up to. I am forever grateful to be on your team! And what a team we make! 🍒 💋 👯‍♀️

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Abbey Wade's avatar

You’re gonna have to stop making me cry at some point

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Candy Downs's avatar

Help

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Abbey Wade's avatar

HELP

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Comment removed
Nov 9
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Candy Downs's avatar

Thank you for reading 💛

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Aidan Alan's avatar

Beautiful Candy

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Candy Downs's avatar

Thanks Aidan :)

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Terry Twitchell's avatar

💔😥 I love you, friend. 🐙🫂

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Candy Downs's avatar

I love you ❤️

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Sterling's avatar

Beautiful, Candy. Thank you for putting this up for free first 🫶🏻 it’s truly a gift

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Candy Downs's avatar

Thank you my girl! You’re the best, truly 💛

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Mandie Peterson's avatar

Cand this is beautiful 😭, all of it! But especially "the pumpkin spice faded from his lips as the stars faded from my eyes." 🤌 As someone who's watched you go through all the phases of this, it makes me so happy to see you not only shaking it off, but laying it all out on the table so perfectly vulnerably.

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Candy Downs's avatar

😩💔 I love you the most.

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Jancy Knudsen's avatar

I still want to murder him every single day for the way he has hurt you.

I hope the word "murder" isn't flagged on here or something. 😆

Love you always. And Mand too. 😘

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Candy Downs's avatar

Thank you for being the kind of friend that tells me the truth even when it’s not what I want to hear. I’m sorry I don’t listen 😅 I love you ❤️

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Jancy Knudsen's avatar

Love you always. 😘

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MarkJMel's avatar

Candy, that's rough but exactly why you will get through this. You have overcome some rough and rocky terrain but damn, you are courageous for sharing. Peace 🙏

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Candy Downs's avatar

Thank you Mark. I actively participated in every heart break. On the other side is such a happy version of me, so I’d do it again in a heartbeat ❤️

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MarkJMel's avatar

I hear you on that Candy. It's easy to turn away from those situations but far better to do it your way. Going right through it. And so far, l am liking all versions of you, especially the happy one. But all versions…Good evening. Hope your Mom is doing well.

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Candy Downs's avatar

Thank you Mark!! She is! I chatted with her for hours last night ❤️❤️

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MarkJMel's avatar

You and Ms. Pamala are a match made in heaven! So good to see.

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Pamala Vallarta's avatar

Thanks for asking Mark - so sweet of you! All of Puerto Vallarta is in tears this week, we lost a local celebrity and a dear friend of mine Paco Ojeda. He had a delightful live daily show featuring local news, weather, happenings around town and formed a group of listeners called the cluster. Every day he would read aloud all the comments from the cluster. He was 61, and seemed fine, did a normal show on Tuesday and when he didn't broadcast Wednesday - he was found, suddenly passed away in bed. We are all sharing a moment of reflecting on mortality.

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MarkJMel's avatar

And while I am over sharing, I see lots of the same kindness in you as I did in my Mom. Y'all both exposed your children to culture and creativity. My Mom taught me all I know about being a gentle man. She will always be my hero!

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Pamala Vallarta's avatar

What a lovely thing to say. Thank you. How tough to lose so many people in a year, my sympathies are with you. It is a great insight to say you are a better, stronger person. At 72, losing friends gets more frequent and I do appreciate life so much more now. Right now, my husband has written a musical called "Pop Goes the Musical", and it will be onstage in February at the mainstage of Act2PV he is directing and I am producing. We have been involved with live theater since we arrived in Vallarta 3 years ago and this will be our fifth but the first one by Auntie Pam's Productions. We are using music from Men Without Hats - such fun music - 80's - 90's synth pop - These guys are still writing and touring. We met with them last summer.

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MarkJMel's avatar

Mortality whew! I have unfortunately lost 4 members of my family over the years. It really sucks! However, it certainly has made me a better man. And certainly, it has made me stronger.

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MarkJMel's avatar

Oh my! May God rest his gentle soul. I love that his show was about community. Sorta like the old radio "trading posts". I am sorry for your loss. That's a shocking loss. Peace Pamala.

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Pamala Vallarta's avatar

Thank you, Darling! Like a radio show but actually a live tv show on Youtube and Facebook Live.

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MarkJMel's avatar

A fun fact about me, I have never been on any social media. Only sub stack and I am really liking it because I meet people like you and your daughter.

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Melanie's avatar

Brought up some old hurt feels in my body and tears in my eyes. Thank you for sharing this. Beautifully and cathartically written.♥️♥️♥️

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Candy Downs's avatar

Thank you for reading Melanie. It feels good to say it out loud and know I’m not alone in these feelings. Always here for you too. ♥️

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Melanie's avatar

We probably all have a Fuck Face if we’ve ever been in the meltiest kind of love. 🫠

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Candy Downs's avatar

I feel lucky to have felt it. He was definitely my Mr. Big.

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Publius Poplicola's avatar

Nice, Candy.

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Candy Downs's avatar

☺️

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Anna | Tender & True's avatar

Candy — this piece is raw and poetic and pulsing with the kind of ache that so many of us carry quietly. The way you write about “minimums” and stolen Octobers — it’s devastating and gorgeous all at once.

Your final lines felt like a balm: “Love isn’t over for you, even if it’s over with them.” Thank you for writing what so many of us haven’t found the words for yet. This was a gift — all of it.

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Candy Downs's avatar

Oh Anna, I adore you. This is such a beautiful comment. Thank you for reading and seeing me so clearly here. This particular ache is one I’ve struggled to articulate and I know I’m not alone in that. I’m so happy to be here with you. 🤎

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VinylJunkieChris's avatar

This was absolutely fantastic.

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Candy Downs's avatar

Thank you so much Chris 💛

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Mahmoud Owies's avatar

So you decided to make us all cry! ❤️❤️❤️

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Candy Downs's avatar

🥺

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Katie Bouché's avatar

Honest and brave. I too once loved a FuckFace. I hope your heart is lighter as each day passes.

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Candy Downs's avatar

Katie! My girl. They multiply, the fuckfaces, when we love them.

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Ben's avatar

Oh my god! This is really lovely ☺️ 😢 I hope you’re alright x

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Candy Downs's avatar

Actually Ben, I spoke to my mother yesterday and all she wanted to talk about was you.

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Ben's avatar

Oh she did not 😂 😍

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Candy Downs's avatar

Yes and she said “Ben’s my boyfriend.” Verbatim.

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Ben's avatar

😂😂 she wasn’t meant to tell people yet!

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Candy Downs's avatar

She has zero chill, Ben. I tried to warn you.

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Ben's avatar

Just how I like ‘em 😆

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Pamala Vallarta's avatar

Here she is again! Hanging out my dirty laundry!

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Candy Downs's avatar

🤣🤣🤣

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Pamala Vallarta's avatar

Now Candys! This is only 90% true! Mommy still loves you.

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Candy Downs's avatar

lol!!

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Gary L Taylor's avatar

Great writing. Really heartfelt and intimate in how you're letting the reader into those thoughts and heartbreak, but written beautifully and in a way that you actually feel the words.

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Candy Downs's avatar

Thank you Gary. I love having you here, in the feels with me. ❤️

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